Quarantine Blues

And when i wanted something i could write about i guess
I didn’t think that meant i’d get this shit depression again
I am aware that I’ve been pushing down the symptoms yet
I just didn’t want to face this shitty part of myself
I’d have more luck in getting better if i tried
To get up outta bed instead im forced to stay inside
I dont like looking in the mirror so i close my eyes
Instead of looking in the mirror and understanding why
I am wasting time im laying in a coffin bed
And now my bedsheets smell like nothing but the living dead
I think im wasting time on nothing to convince myself
That i am weirdly ok wasting into nothingness
Last year flew by like a paper bag in open air
And i was standing on the brink of nothing halfway there
And just as always i got pulled back like a punctured lung
So why do i keep crawling back there like i want to jump
And when i asked for something i could write about i meant
Maybe falling in love though i know that never ends well
There is this thing that feels disgusting being loved and seen
Thats why i haven’t kissed anyone since i was seventeen
I know im not always the worst at every single thing i do
But being isolated with myself just makes it feel so true
My head is pounding like a paper cut and i can’t sleep
In fact i wake up every single night at 5 from shitty dreams