The Story of Our Times

From Gilgamesh to Beowulf
To the Odyssey
Every time has a story to tell
And pass down through history
Ishmael went out searching for whales
And Gatsby longed for acceptance
Tom and Huck went and ran all amok
And we’ve been talkin' 'bout them ever since
Long after the people are gone
The stories that represent them still last
The written letter helps us know a little better
Our ancestors from the past
And we’re no different from they
We’ve all chosen our own story that will now live on
And summarize our current day
And represent us now forever in the great beyond
Little girl wanted to be famous so bad
'Cause she had a semi-famous dad
'Cause he was friends with a murderer
Who was on TV
Well she had no TV murder friends like her pa
But she had one that was in the gossip mags a lot
Because her grandfather owned hotels
And had made a lot of money
Well that friend blew a guy on videotape
And the news talked about it for six weeks straight
And our hero had a plan to get that fame
That she so craved
She got the guy who played the brother on that Moesha show
And they filmed themselves goin' hard as they could go
And we’ve been payin' attention to her for
The whole last decade
It was the story of you
It was the story of me
It was the story we choose
To pass down through history
It was the story of us
And of our time here
What we were about
And the heroes we cheer
It was the story of our times
More dense and rich than any script
That Tolstoy ever wrote
The epic would take years to tell
But here are the cliff notes
It started when Kim’s mom and dad were celebrating their anniversary
Kim bought them a stripper pole and gave it to them at their party
Then Kim and Khloe went to a shoot for Girls Gone Wild down in Mexico
Their dad found out and followed them so he could tell them no
Then the mom tried to convince Kim to do Playboy
And Khloe got a DUI
Kourtney had a pregnancy scare
And then she started to cry
Khloe gives a makeover to a homeless man
Nude photos of Kourtney come out and she cries again
The mom decides to build a chicken coop
Kim goes and does some sort of calendar shoot
The mom gets real drunk and gets a tattoo
The son wants to model and drop out of school
The dad goes and gets some plastic surgery
Kim goes to Comic Con for Disaster Movie
Khloe marries a basketball guy
Kourtney’s boyfriend gets drunk so again she cries
The mom tries out to be a cheerleader
They meet a family from Hurricane Katrina
They get a chihuahua and give it back 'cause it’s sick
Kourtney and her boyfriend split up 'cause he is a dick
Then they get back together 'cause they have a kid
Kim kisses her bodyguard and can’t believe what she did
Khloe loses a ring and then starts to cry
Kim marries a totally different basketball guy
The mom has surgery to get bigger breasts
Kim is shocked to find out she has psoriasis
The dad shows off some new earrings that he got
Khloe thinks that she’s pregnant but it turns out she’s not
Opera comes by the house to interview them
Kourtney and her boyfriend fight and she cries again
Khloe thinks that she’s adopted and does a DNA test
Then Kim starts to date Kanye West
Kim gets scared of a spider that she sees on the ceiling
Jimmy Fallon makes a joke that hurts the dad’s feelings
Kim gets pregnant and she gets really big
The mom for some reason babysits a pig
The dad tells everyone that now he’s a girl
The mom says she feels weird that now the dad is a girl
Khloe gives basketball guy another chance
Kim gets robbed of her jewelry when she visits France
Kourtney starts to cry again for some reason
And that’s basically what happens in the first 12 seasons
It was the story of you
It was the story of me
We voted with our views
On our phones, tablets, and TVs
This was the story of us
As we begin our fall
A family of the times
And the lessons that they taught us all
If you wanna make it in the world today
Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother (x 3)
You’ll never make it if you’re hung up on dignity
Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother
You can’t expect to just start up at Kanye
Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother
Point your phone at your ass and start snappin' away
Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother
Blow your boyfriend and get your mom to videotape
Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother
Be an icon just for not going away
Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother
Make your voice heard even if you’ve nothing to say
Sometimes you gotta fuck Moesha’s brother
We can change this but we gotta start looking away