I'm Not Good At This Adult Shit

Holla at ya boy
I’m at the 7−11 parking lot
Patron and La Croix
Well into my 30s and still permanently lit
Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit
I’ve been a grownup for a long time now
Can you help me tie this tie?
Because I don’t know how
All of my friends have good jobs
Houses, pensions and stocks
But moving on is an achievement I can’t seem to unlock
My clothes are all arranged in a giant pile
I think my cat is dead in there 'cause I ain’t seem him a while
Wear clothes four days in a row
Smoke cigarettes in the shower
When I was a kid, by now, I thought I’d work at Nintendo Power
If you invite me out to something I’m probably gonna pass
Tonight is the high school reunion of my senior class
They’re all talking 'bout their children, wives and career paths
While I’m at home high as hell making dick castles in Minecraft
I call this beauty the «Wang Trade Center»
It gets hit by penis planes on the 11th of Scholngtember
And never forget, better yet, always remember
Not a single penis plane hit Tallywhacker 7 ever
Jizz fuel cannot melt steel boners
But insurance paid off double to their Bilder-balls owner
I know, that was a sophomoric rhyme
But that is not all that I’m doing with the years of my prime
I also run a forum for hentai of Land Before Time
This is Little Foot and Ducky engaged in a 69
But it’s embarrassing to be this age and still start to sweat
When someone asks to use your laptop for the internet
Here we go
This game is called «Autofill Russian Roulette»
And there’s only 3 safe letters in the alphabet left
Oh god, please don’t let 'em type a «Y» or a «P»
Or an «X» or an «R» or a «T» or a «B»
Yo, on second thought, hey, give that laptop back to me
Angle the screen and discreetly click «Reset History»
Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit
Holla at ya boy
I’m at the 7−11 parking lot
Patron and La Croix
Well into my 30s and still permanently lit
Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit
Holla at ya boy
I’m at the 7−11 parking lot
Patron and La Croix
Well into my 30s and still permanently lit
Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit
Huh, maybe I don’t respect myself
Taco Bell 4 times a week
I don’t do this for my health
But I cannot eat at home because it always makes me nauseous
Brita filter ain’t been changed since «W.» was still in office
Yeah, take to the streets we runnin' all this
Doughnuts in the parking lot
Down at where the new mall is
So while you sit and watch TV with your dumb wife and dumb baby
I’m out there bombing the city and got the whole squad with me
Yeah, the squad’s pretty much just Raoul
He speak English not that good, but he still seems pretty cool
He doesn’t know it, but he’s probably like my closest friend
He lets me read magazines without having to buy them
Dinner at a gas station
Taking out some cash
Eat an egg salad sandwich
Standing over the trash
Got so much garbage in the car that I can’t see out the back
My entire grocery list is just liquor and snacks
Every day, when I wake up, I eat a bag of Sour Worms (x4)
It’s time I grow up, but I don’t know how to start
For Halloween, I gave kids Nicorette and old Pop-Tarts
Sleep with the TV on, 'cause I’m not cool with the dark
And I’ll turn around and go home instead of parallel park
Friend’s wife is breastfeeding at brunch on the strip
Put my shades on so they can’t tell I’m trying to see Nip
Still need to ask them both to help me figure out what to tip
Then take an Uber home because it’s noon and I’m pretty ripped
And I don’t know if it’s heroic or depressing as shit
But I don’t think I’ll figure life out
So I might as well quit
And if you ever get tired of trying to work it all out
You know where to come and find me if you want to hang out
Holla at ya boy
I’m at the 7−11 parking lot
Patron and La Croix
Well into my 30s and still permanently lit
Yeah, I’m not good at this adult shit