Separate Checks

I was at a diner with my friends
But there came a time
When the good time came to an end
When the waitress brings the bill
Everything stands still and I say
Oh crap, here we go again
We shoulda got separate checks, separate checks
'Cause my friends can’t bleepin' add
Separate checks, separate checks
They can’t remember anything that they had
I don’t know what’s wrong with them
Or why it’s so complex
But the next time we go out
We’re gonna get separate checks
Johnny only left two bucks for eight beers
I know he’s gone but call him up
And get his ass back here
If he doesn’t come back he dies
I’m not paying thirty-six bucks for fries
The bill’s 200 dollars and were nowhere near
Separate checks, separate checks
My friends got no math skills
Separate checks, separate checks
I’m always getting screwed on the bill
A world of problems is what you can expect
If you go out with your friends
And you don’t get separate checks
Separate checks I’m always getting screwed
By my friends lack of math aptitude
Separate checks, don’t get me started
I love my boys but they’re numerically retarded
No when we go out I make this plea
If you’re getting a group check don’t include me
I’ll sit at another table, as long as I am able
To only pay for food I actually eat
Separate checks, separate checks
Or you’ll have problems aplenty
Separate checks, separate checks
Oh crap, everyone’s got twenties
The waitress will be annoyed
When you make your request
But if you don’t wanna kill your friends
You gotta get separate checks