The Witness

It’s been so long since
I have felt this
Emptiness so deep inside
It’s paralyzed me
Immobilized me
There’s no way to do this right
Struggling with my darkest thoughts
Straining to see through the fog
The clarity that I once had
Slips like sand right through my hands
I’ve cherished life
Savored breath
Don’t want to fight
To not fade away
The feelings I
Don’t want to face
Are tearing me up inside
I’m holding on to life
The stabbing calls me
To the wounding
My impending punishment
But in the grieving
I come undone
Untie the knots the pain has spun
The hurting is all that I have
To keep me to the witness stand
And even though I wish it might
Suicide won’t end the ride
I’ve cherished life
Savored breath
Don’t want to fight
To not fade away
The feelings I
Don’t want to face
Are tearing me up inside
I’m holding on to life
Scared of what I might
Do to myself if
I am left alone
So I’m holding I’m
Struggling with my darkest thoughts
Straining to see through the fog
The clarity that I once had
Slips like sand right through my hands
I’ve cherished life
Savored breath
Don’t want to fight
To not fade away
The feelings I
Don’t want to face
Are tearing me up inside
I’m holding on to life
Scared of what I might
Do to myself if
I am left alone
So I’m holding tight
To the pain that is
Keeping me inside
It’s the only thing
Keeping me alive