No Reason Boner

This song is about a problem that I have
Frequently
There are three, three, three kinds of erections
Some are sexual, some occur during
Periods of nervous tension
But there’s a mysterious third kind
That no one really understands
It happens when your shlong decides
To take matters into its own hands
No reason boner
No reason boner
It baffles scientists
No reason boner
This morning I was having breakfast
At the Midtown diner
The bagel was delicious
And the coleslaw couldn’t be finer
Got a weird look from the waitress
When I asked her for the check
I looked down and realized
I was one hundred percent erect
No reason boner
No reason boner
I like coleslaw but not that much
No reason boner
Hi! Welcome to the post office
Thanks! I just need to mail this package
No problem, just place it on the scale
Sure thing!
Oh! Oh god! I, I can’t right now!
Why not?
I, I have to go. I have a, uh, doctor’s appointment at the dentist’s!
Now things are a little awkward
Between my mailman and I
That was not my best lie
I was just covering up for my
No reason boner
No reason boner
That was the wrong kind of package to mail
No reason boner
Hi! Welcome to the zoo!
Great! I love the zoo! Look at all those monkeys!
Actually, those technically aren’t monkeys, they’re macaques
Wow! Macaque’s really hairy!
Uh, so, what time does the zoo close?
About eight o’clock
Great! That gives me a chance t-- Oh god
Oh, not- not now! Not in front of the children!
Why have you forsaken me lord?!
This is no laughing matter
This is not some kind of game
I can tuck away my Johnson
But I can never tuck away the shame
It can happen anytime
It can happen anywhere
When the Loch Ness Monster
Decides he wants to randomly come up for air
No reason boner, oh!
No reason boner
You’re ruining my life
No reason boner
No reason boner
No reason boner
Why?
…Boner