Burn with Desire

I pray that fate has mercy on me, being a loner gets lonely
When I’m waiting on God to show me, my soulmate slash homie
I can remember, longing for something more present, checking my phone 24/7
Exited for nothing when texts hit fluorescing
Got everyone else’s, but wanted her message
I’m a helpless fiend, where is my self-esteem?
I’m hating what I’m on, all this uncertainty, waiting for her rsponse
Finally found somebody differnt, then that person became my chronic
Like I got high on it, how ironic, I got five on it
This beauty became my worst addiction, to keep it real
A worse infliction than even popping my sleeping pills
Half the day I spent, calling her bluff, the other half? Never got enough
Oh the emotion, she sold me an ocean, got lost in the flood
I’m hip to the illusion, but still wanted this, girl to be seducing
Who didn’t want me, and that shit can be confusing
And it had me literally coughing shit for weeks
To release this demon, just had to write down the shit to beats
Still couldn’t hear or sit or sleep
Like why things appear more attractive, when they’re more than backwards?
Objects in the mirror appearing closer, come forward the fastest
Long as I learn I’m not ever mad, nostalgia forever lasts
But why does it feel like I lost something I never had?
Wider emotion
Deeper than the ocean
The fire burns within
Torn with desire
But I keep it quiet
Will you ever let me in
But what if I fought
While you pushed me away
Gave it everything I had
Don’t know how long
I can endure
Till then I’ll just burn
Burn with desire
My desire for connection had me ignoring all the red flags
All the sure tell signs this situation’s really gonna get bad
And not being totally honest with myself 'bout who she really is
Instead she pulled this silly shit, treated me like I was a guinea pig
What’s really sick? Is I put that girl all up on a pedestal
So in hindsight, her fucking my world up was inevitable
Sometimes I feel like I wouldn’t trust her if this dame was the last human
Created this beautiful image then became attached to it
That’s stupid, well aware, make a man go bald with a head of hair
Thought I was in heaven but it was hellish there
Bone crushing and I’m never scared
See what women do, they release lethal venom spew
You can smile but pictures don’t change, only the people in them do
See that night the booze was in immense flow
And the mood was getting menstrual
And my little senorita started getting rude and disrespectful
I guess it’s a question of charter, but never confuse my kindness for weakness
I only give back what you’ve given me, see I can be the nicest or the meanest
Otherwise I would have just done it the easy way, and written the diss track
Spitting out just facts, that would’ve been the old way of getting the miss back
I saw what I wanted to see in her and ignored anything stealth
Yet that light seems more real to me than anything else
Wider emotion
Deeper than the ocean
The fire burns within
Torn with desire
But I keep it quiet
Will you ever let me in
But what if I fought
While you pushed me away
Gave it everything I had
Don’t know how long
I can endure
Till then I’ll just burn
Burn with desire
Still find I long for her, ill like I cough for her, pills wine and bongs,
a blur
I try to be strong for sure, but I’m still writing songs for her
Maybe it’s my indie spirit, can you feel it? I’m in love with having my own shit
I don’t get why you wanna help someone else’s legacy
'stead of having your own kids
Was she into me? When she look, what she must see is a celebrity
I just wanted her pulse to run in my skull and crush me with its intensity
Lemme speak my fact, thought I’d never meet my match or get attached
Some say the chase is a little bit better than the catch
Actual facts and that’s some factual shit, kid
That’s why most of these rappers brick right after they get rich
So maybe I owe you a thank you letter, come to think of it
No, never mind, this is my thank you letter, I ain’t inking shit
I want somebody still, need somebody chill
Still wondering what part of her image was made by me and what was real
But I’m giving y’all the raw truth, I loved you, maybe I still do
And these intimate songs are all proof
Wonder if anybody else really ever saw the real you
But you knew me and dissed it, rudely dismissed it
These songs are gifts from me to you as proof you truly existed
Better than an autobiography, this is your work Nathalie
I speak facts, even if it makes you mad at me
Wider emotion
Deeper than the ocean
The fire burns within
Torn with desire
But I keep it quiet
Will you ever let me in
But what if I fought
While you pushed me away
Gave it everything I had
Don’t know how long
I can endure
Till then I’ll just burn
Burn with desire