Didn't Feel Love

Why is it that
That I’m loosing control
All my words and all my thoughts
Mirror everything I got
I was drinking by myself
From a bottle hidden well
Playing records, dancing fast
Bitter, tired, throwing glass
Showing class
See, I didn’t feel love
From the people I had
And I didn’t seek help
I blamed myself for my past
And now I’m alone
Thinking about what I’ll do next
To get me back
To get me back
Well I’m anxious and I’m nervous
And now everyone sees through me
I stopped throwing up self hatred
And I’m trying to get better
But when you’re down
There is no up
And I’m running out of luck
The whole family is worried
Is it selfish, is it courage
Am I done?