Notes App Apology

It’s come to my attention allegations have been brought against me
I know it’s taken me a long time to respond, but here’s my story:
From my perspective, I’m exempt from consequences
I thought I’d get away with it but didn’t, so here’s my apology:
I’m so sorry, here’s a Notes app apology
It’s come to my attention allegations have been brought against me
I swear to god this is not my fault, it’s a big misunderstanding
No one’s ever told me I’m abusive and controlling
You sound crazy, no one will believe you, but here’s my non-apology:
I’m so sorry you have problems with honesty
It’s come to my attention that everyone fucking hates me
I know it’s only been a week since you outed me, but I’ve been changing
I’ve found God now everyone thinks that it’s a cop out
Cleansed me of all my misdeeds, redeemed and saved me
I found Jesus, absolved me of my demons
I’ll pray you heal from how I damaged you irreparably
It’s come to my attention allegations have been brought against me
I’m so sorry, say it half-heartedly
I’m so sorry, throw me a pity party
I’m so sorry, from leper’s colony
I’m so sorry, here’s a Notes app apology