Friendtopia

When my friends and I stick together
There’s nothing we can’t do
And when I say that, I specifically mean
We’re gonna stage a coup
With the power of our gossip giggles
We’ll storm the Pentagon!
Then celebrate with bottomless mimosas
On the White House lawn
We’re going to braid each other’s hair
Then cut each other’s braids
Connect the braids to build a rope
To hang all of Congress!
Squad goals!
Stay together forever!
Squad goals!
Take control of the banks!
Squad goals!
Don’t let a man come between us
If he does, shoot him in the head!
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!
Friendtopia!
A dystopia around our friendship
Friendtopia!
Our manifesto is fun
Zig-a-zow!
Now that we have total control
Get ready for what’s in store
Our reign will be like
Sweet Valley High meets Nineteen Eighty-Four!
When one of us gets dumped
That becomes Memorial Day
All agriculture will be diverted
Into making us Rosé
There’s a really exclusive sushi place
That never let’s us in
So when we don’t get in, we say
Let’s just go home and drink rosé!
Roll call!
Rebecca!
The brainy one!
Head of censorship and mind control!
Heather!
The cool one!
I put drugs in the water supply!
Valencia!
The sexy one!
Czar of torture!
O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!
Friendtopia!
We nostalgically watch «Hocus Pocus»!
Friendtopia!
Aw, I love «Hocus Pocus»!
Friendtopia!
All citizens much watch «Hocus Pocus»!
Friendtopia!
Or they will be killed!
Zig-a-zow!