Etta Mae's Lament [Revised]

I’m the local lady of the evening
And though I like my men and my booze
I pray to above
That I’ll find true love
But no one wants a lady who’s used
Oh, can someone lasso me a husband?
I’m nothing without a husband
The menfolk give me a dollar and a smile
But that don’t lead to walkin' down the aisle
Hey cowboy, can you lasso me a husband?
Though my lover count is over a dozen
Yes, the kissin' is fun and the wine is sweet
But what I really want at night is to rub a farmer’s feet
Get me off of my back and standin' up straight
So I can be the type of lady that you’re not ashamed to date
Get me out of the cathouse and into the kitchen
I’ll wear white and pray to martyrs
I’ll trade in my guns and garters
'Cause there are only two types of women
(Me and virgins you commit to)
Can someone lasso me a husband?
Why are you all bein' so stubborn?
I’m angry and pleased
And a little bit diseased
But you can cure my ills with a husband