Strength for Breath

This silence is blinding, I’ve got to run far away
And the only reminder of me will be my name on a rooftop in paint
I hope it’s not too late, there is pain still inside me, I grew up feeling
afraid
Of the thoughts inside my head and what everyone else must think
The light inside me slowly fades
There is distance and division between who you loved and who I am today
It keeps me frozen here in place
It’s ok, there’s nothing to say, I knew the ending all along
When I was a kid I let it define me, please don’t grow up that way
Four weeks in a hospital and not one friend even came
My heart still breaks, you don’t need to remind me all of the ways
I could have been better, could have been stronger, should have been brave
The light inside me slowly fades
There is distance and division between who you loved and who I am today
It keeps me frozen here in place
It’s ok, there’s nothing to say, I knew the ending all along
Can I change still?
I promise you that if I can that I will
I love you to death
You’re the reason I have strength for breath
Here I am clearly not at my best, I’m sorry if I let you down
I wrote down the words I couldn’t say but today
I feel like at last that it might end differently
Staring down at all these words on the page
How long have I been so lost and what was the cost?