Giant with a Napoleon Complex

Feelings are a luxury not all of us are entitled to
Some only have anger, frustration and paranoia
That will do
My insanity protects my life
It is here to make me ignore
That I suffer horrendously until I’m no more
It always was how this is going to be
I can be but proud of my tolerance of pain
But for how long? It’s clear this cannot last
How long until my ability consumes me inside?
How much do I have left until I’m too far gone?
It’s more than likely I already am
And just cannot tell the difference
Truly only one thing really scares me
Being too weak to live long enough
I still remember before this, before the damage was done
Since I was a child I’ve felt the change
Lying awake at night, feeling my mind twisting to a knot
I wait to see which gives first, sanity or life