Ghost Pity

Your father is out golfing away his problems, and your mom gets paid to talk to
strangers but she still «don't have a word» to say to you. And you say you
don’t care, I don’t know how you do it
If you love them, don’t you need them and don’t you need them to love you too?
So you cut cut cut away all of your feelings, just to avoid them seeing
something
But even if they did, you doubt they would care
You’re just a hair on a blade in a bloodless holy war
So today is your last, just like the past 4 years, the feeling feels healthy
and worth it
But not much has changed, a grown woman afraid of phone calls, afraid of bad
news
Afraid we don’t all live forever like we used to
You take pills in your purse and you wonder if you’d want to
I’m at home feeling sorry for myself and my perfect family, hiding out in my
room always distracted, but somehow you’re always always always on my mind
You’re the reason I’m still staring at the ceiling, losing sleep, wasting time
Do you feel «sorry for me» or «envy me» the way that I envy you at all?
Do you feel «sorry for me» or «envy me» the way that I envy you?
Am I in love when I breathe in pity and leave myself alone?