If You Open Your Mind Too Much Your Brain Will Fall Out (Take My Wife)

If anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single
Psychic who has been able to prove under reasonable experimental conditions
that they are able to read minds
And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single
Astrologer who has been able to prove under reasonable experimental conditions
that they can predict future events by interpreting celestial signs
And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single
Homeopathic practitioner who has been able to prove under reasonable
experimental conditions that solutions made up of infinitely tiny particles of
good stuff dissolved repeatedly into relatively huge quantities of water have a
consistently higher medicinal value than a similarly administered placebo
And if anyone can show me one example in the history of the world of a single
Spiritual or religious person who has been able to prove either logically or
empirically the existence of a higher power that has any consciousness or
interest in the human race or ability to punish or reward humans for there
moral choices or that there is any reason — other than fear — to believe in any
version of an afterlife
I will give you my piano
One of my legs
And my wife