Know That You Were Loved

You concentrate
On staying awake
As the voice in your head is starting to break
Is it springtime or autumn
Morning or night?
You think of the way your parents would fight
You see lights in the distance
Hammers and nails —
All of the people who told you you’d failed
City breaks spent in turmoil
Crumbling cup cakes of love
There were days when you knew you were never enough
What grabbed your attention
The choices you made —
Bright summer colours observed from the shade
Truculent dinners
Fraught family affairs
Falling head-first for the girl with the red in her hair
Is it winter or summer
Evening or dawn?
You remember your child being born:
Heat in the stairwell
Tense laughter in lifts;
The shattering magic of primitive gifts
The darkness is closing in
The silence is closing in
It’s okay
It’s okay, it’s okay
Know that you were loved