The Perfect Fit

I could make a dress
A robe fit for a prince
I could clothe a continent
But I can’t sew a stitch
I can paint my face
And stand very, very still
It’s not very practical
But it still pays the bills
I can’t change my name
But I could be your type
I can dance and win at games
Like backgammon and life
I used to be the smart one
Sharp as a tack
Funny how that skipping years ahead
Has held me back
I used to be the bright one
Top in my class
Funny what they give you when you
Just learn how to ask
I can write a song
But I can’t sing in key
I can play piano
But I never learned to read
I can’t trap a mouse
But I can pet a cat
No, I’m really serious!
I’m really, very good at that
I can’t fix a car
But I can fix a flat
I could fix a lot of things
But I’d rather not get into that
I used to be the bright one
Smart as a whip
Funny how you slip so far when
Teachers don’t keep track of it
I used to be the tight one
The perfect fit
Funny how those compliments can
Make you feel so full of it
I can shuffle, cut, and deal
But I can’t draw a hand
I can’t draw a lot of things
I hope you understand
I’m not exceptionally shy
But I’ve never had a man
That I could look straight in the eye
And tell my secret plans
I can take a vow
And I can wear a ring
And I can make you promises but
They won’t mean a thing
Can’t you just do it for me?
I’ll pay you well
Fuck, I’ll pay you anything if you could end this
Can’t you just fix it for me?
It’s gone berserk
Oh fuck, I’ll give you anything if
You can make the damn thing work
Can’t you just fix it for me?
I’ll pay you well
Oh, fuck I’ll pay you anything
If you can end this
Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?
Hello, I’m good for nothing—will you love me just the same?