The Beards Club

The beards club stood
In the middle of town
And if you didn’t have a beard
You were’nt allowed
At eighteen years old
Billie couldn’t grow a beard
He wanted one badly
He’d been trying for years
Billy couldn’t even grow a simple goatee
And the bouncers always said
No beard, no entry
By the time that he was twenty
Billy managed a beard
It was patchy and mangy
But it got him in
He walked up to the bar
And pulled up a seat
The bearded man behind the bar said
What’ll it be
Billy flashed a beard and smiled and said
I’ll have a pint
The barman flashed one back and said
Welcome inside
Welcome to the beards club
Welcome to the beards club
Welcome to the beards club
Come the fuck inside
Well everything was going fine
'til in walked a guy
He had a beard down to his chest
He was seven feet high
The barman said
Hey I don’t want a scene
But the giant bearded man
Walked up to billy
The giant pointed at Billy’s face and said
You call that a beard?
He grabbed Billy by the throat and said
Get out of here
Stay away from the beards club
Stay away from the beards club
Stay away from the beards club
Stay the fuck away
Well the giant bearded man
Was gonna throw billy out
But Billy had come this far
He wasn’t giving up now
He grabbed the giants beard
And he tore it away
And everybody stared at his baby smooth face
The giants fake beard fell down
Down to the floor
The barman turned to the giant and said
Sorry, you’re not welcome here any more
Stay away from the beards club
Stay away from the beards club
Stay away from the beards club
Stay the fuck away
Welcome to the beards club
Welcome to the beards club
Welcome to the beards club
Welcome to the beards club
Beards