Baby

My lady gives birth today
I run to her room right away
She smiles with glee, then hands her to me
I look at my newborn and say
Damn that’s a ugly baby
Damn that’s a ugly ass baby
I’m feeling quite concerned, my semen must’ve turned
‘Cause damn that’s an ugly baby
I can’t believe this came from me
I think her mom did too much LSD
She’s skinny like a twig
At least her nuts are big
But the placenta is cuter than she
Damn that’s a ugly baby
God Damn that’s a ugly ass baby
I can’t take her home today, she’ll scare the dog away
‘Cause damn that’s a ugly baby
And when she smiles I find
Shane McGowan comes to mind
It makes me want to cry
When I look into her good eye
I always wanted kids
Is it wrong to hope for sids?
Fuck you it’s my fucking baby
Then the doctor calls me in
Mr. Lynch she has a twin
Damn that’s a good looking baby
One for two on the good looking babies
I almost start to weep, now this one we can keep
‘Cause that was an ugly ass
Damn that’s an ugly baby
Damn that’s an ugly ba- SING FUCKERS C’MON
Damn that’s an ugly baby WOOOH
Damn that’s an ugly baby
She’s got one good tooth and one ear and one eye
And thank god just one nose but it’s on her left thigh
Now doctor I’m asking you guy to guy
Would a really really really late term abortion still fly
Oh no my baby not me
I don’t want no ugly baby
I said damn that’s an ugly baby
Damn that’s an ugly ass baby
Thank you, good night