Runcorn Ferry

Runcorn Ferry
On the banks of the Mersey, over on Cheshire side
Lies Runcorn that’s best known to fame
By Transporter Bridge as takes folks over t’stream
Or else brings them back across same
In days afore Transporter Bridge were put up
A ferryboat lay in the slip
And old Ted the boatman would row folks across
At per tuppence per person per trip
Now Runcorn lay over on one side of stream
And Widnes on t’other side stood
And, as nobody wanted to go either place
Well, the trade wasn’t any too good
One evening, to Ted’s superlative surprise
Three customers came into view:
A Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom it were
And Albert, their little son, too
«How much for the three?» Mr Ramsbottom asked
As his hand to his pocket did dip
Ted said: «Same for three as it would be for one
Per tuppence per person per trip.»
«You're not charging tuppence for that little lad?»
Said Mother, her eyes flashing wild
«Per tuppence per person per trip», answered Ted
«Per woman, per man, or per child»
«Fivepence for three, that’s the most that I’ll pay»
Said Father, «Don't waste time in talk»
«Per tuppence per person per trip», answered Ted
«And them, as can’t pay, 'as to walk!»
«We can walk, an' all», said Father
«Come Mother, it’s none so deep, weather’s quite mild»
So into the water the three of them stepped:
The father, the mother, the child
The further they paddled, the deeper it got
But they wouldn’t give in, once begun
In the spirit that’s made Lancashire what she is
They’d sooner be drownded than done
Very soon, the old people were up to their necks
And the little lad clean out of sight
Said Father: «Where's Albert?»
And Mother replied: «I've got hold of his hand, he’s all right!»
Well, just at that moment, Pa got an idea
And, floundering back to old Ted
He said: «We've walked half-way. Come, tak' us the rest
For half-price -- that’s a penny a head.»
But Ted wasn’t standing for none of that there
And, making an obstinate lip
«Per tuppence per person per trip», Ted replied
«Per trip, or per part of per trip»
«All right, then», said Father, «let me tak' the boat
And I’ll pick up the others half-way
I’ll row them across, and I’ll bring the boat back
And thruppence in t’bargain I’ll pay»
T’were money for nothing. Ted answered: «Right-ho»
And Father got hold of the sculls
With the sharp end of boat towards middle of stream
He were there in a couple of pulls
He got Mother out -- it were rather a job
With the water, she weighed half a ton --
Then, pushing the oar down the side of the boat
Started fishing around for his son
When poor little Albert came up to the top
His collars were soggy and limp
And, with holding his breath at the bottom so long
His face were as red as a shrimp
Pa took them across, and he brought the boat back
And he said to old Ted on the slip:
«Wilt' row me across by me’sen?»
Ted said: «Aye, at per tuppence per person per trip»
When they got t’other side, Father laughed fit to bust
He’d got best of bargain, you see
He’d worked it all out, and he’d got his own way
And he’d paid nobbut fivepence for three