Bottom Drawer

There were dust shells in the light pockets
There were film trailers playing in my wallet
Folded movie tickets pressed behind my drivers license
Nostalgia spilled across my floor
So I ran my fingers along the skirting boards
Tried to stop it from spilling more
Tried to stop me from riding it out the door
And the dust it grew, and garnered, and forever made it harder
To let you look me in the eyes
On the days where I didn’t want to be alive
There are rattlesnakes in the bottom drawer
Where my parents kept the spare batteries and more
The coming out letter I sent too late
Somewhere beneath the measuring tape
I worked so hard to make myself tall
Tried to balance on the chairs my mother cut the legs off
I propped myself up with a daydream crutch
Of being a strong boy and making my own lunch
Of grabbing hands and asking them to dance
Of hoping for a Summer romance
And the dust it grew, and garnered, and forever made it harder
To let you look me in the eye on the days where I didn’t want to be alive