Salami

I’m Peter Sparker, Spider-Man sent me
He does know Spider-Man! He’s cool
(Knowing Spider-Man does not make him cool!)
I’m the broke moocher you don’t wanna wake up with
(But on mics?) I’m realer than some A-cup tits
(Alright) It’s like I found out the weed is my first cousin
‘Cause after I get it, we break up quick
They say I don’t measure up, I got more lines than a yardstick
You’re just trying to make out with a whip, you’re a carcass
(Spizzy) 1, 2, 3, I went to preschool
Tell me what’s new to brag about so I can be cool
I lay lower than the bassline’s dealer
‘Cause the humbugs numb in their great-rhyme-feelers
You can play «Whose snapback’s tealer»
I’m just trying to put it into words
You should get some v-necks, some Kleenex
You all look crestfallen, get back to yes y’all-in' (Yes y’all)
Still hungry, as a kid I wasn’t fed right
My clique so ill, I’m browsing hospital websites
I’m going ham, I don’t think that you noticed
‘Cause there’s so much bologna all over the focus
(Yo yo) A couple more yos
I’m going spam, I don’t think that you noticed
‘Cause you got salami all over the camera, the camera
Yo, delete your Facebook to it
My peep’s teeth are looking like the Bruins: black and yellow
I’ve been revered by a jury of my peers
‘Cause I’ve rapped like I’m under oath my whole career
It’s not a novelty or comedy, because I’m into honesty
And modesty, and never did a robbery
Hmm, you got the clip that goes «boom?»
How many cylinders in it when your whip goes «vroom?»
Because I could give a fucking fuck
I’m overseas with my speech, like beach cover-ups
To you rhymers that are lying, saying nothing much
To you vaginas, I’m a C-Section, I’m a cut above
I open up a beer, check my Gmail
Treat beats like a cheap version of a therapist
Look, I’ve had it up to here, like a seashell
Crumbs of the cannabis on a can of Sierra Mist
Please, my rap steez different
I got guitars wailin' like a Japanese fisherman
Plus I got all my words pronounced
I’m no pretender, a defender of the herbs and clowns
I put it down
Actually… you put the mic down
I’m going ham, I don’t think that you noticed
‘Cause there’s so much bologna all over the focus
Put your hands up, put your hands up (15 more yos)
Put your hands up, put your hands up
I’m going spam, I don’t think that you noticed
‘Cause you got salami all over the camera, the camera
Somebody say P. Dank!
Somebody say P. Dank!
Lester, we don’t often think of Maine and royalty in the same sentence
But tonight, I am reporting on «The King of Maine»