The Man on the Flying Trapeze

As the crowd roars, to the center ring steps our fractured baritone
Are you in voice Winstead?
I believe I am in voice
(pitch pipe)
Professor?
(pitch pipe)
Ohhh… hunce I was wappy uh, Once I was sappy uh, Sap I was wussy… no
No, no…
Once I was happy, buts now I borlorn, uh
Lorn I fow mow, uh, Sigh on lie now, uh, Nylons are free… No, no…
Now I’m forlorn…
(pitch pipe)
Like an old goat… Oh no, not a goat, that’s an animal
Like an old coat that is tornered and tat, uh… teetered and tonned
Uh… tattered and tipped, uh… tap with a toupee, uh… ripped!
(pitch pipe)
Left in this wide world to sleep and to snore, uh… to weep and to mourn
Betreaned by a jade in her means. No. Bemeaned by a trade for some
Jeans
No. Bejeaned by a teen with some jade. No. Betrayed by a maid in her
Teens
OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…
He floats by his hair. Ooh. Not by his hair. That would hurt!
Speaking of hair, a man came up to me and said
«Doodles, your hair is getting thin.»
And I said, «Well, who wants fat hair?»
THAT’S A KILLER!!!
(pitch pipe)
He floats through the air with the aidest of grease, with the latest of
Fleas, uhh… with plates full of cheese
No, no. With the birds and the bees, uhh… he can’t miss
(pitch pipe)
The manning young dare, uh, the daring young mare
He’s not a horse, that’s silly. He’d break his neck
The fanny young dan, The danny young fan, He’s an awful old ham
Uh, he’s a young fellow 'bout my age
You know, a funny thing happened, a man came up to me and said
«Doodles, Doodles, did you leave home?
I said, «I left home.»
He said, «Did you put the cat out?»
I said, «I didn’t know he was on fire!»
THAT’S A KILLER!!!
(pitch pipe)
The daring young man on the flapping tripeze, uh
Treezing triflaps, uh, trying flip flips, uh, flipping triflop
Uh, flapping trivalve, HORIZONTAL BARS!
(pitch pipe)
His grations are axle, no. His actions are horrible, no. He’s very good
All girls he doth please
But, my wuv he hath lollen astay. No. The dove’s in the hayloft away
No
I’m on the Road to Mandalay. No, hey hey hey!
No, now. Did you hear about the owl that married a goat?
They had a hootenanny!
THAT’S A KILLER!!!
(pitch pipe)
HE’S THE MAN ON THE FLYING TRAPEEEEZE!!!