Anguish

I´ve been conditioned since before I denied being a christian
In denial, on trial, on fire
Entire worlds collapse with the weight of their words
Words can construct a sanctuary that changes in a day
In a way it makes sense, as dense images fade
And I take time forget the finer things in life
Despite not understanding this numbing sensation
I’ll cave in probably before I prevail
I´ll excel past places others promised to fail
Success is subjective and dismantles the collective
As remedy is a raised duality, dueling, ruining my blissful ignorance
Refueling my renaissance
I´m lost seeking to be found, listening for sound
Wearing this crown facade proudly
The crowd be playing my insecurities
As I nervously ask you to murder me
It should have been an identity resurrection
With childhood memories I keep on forgetting
As this continues, conditions prove to be contagious
As I am ethic and ethic has become anguish
Have you ever felt this way?
Or am I the only one?
Anguish has taken a place in my heart
And all I can do is run, away
Transform this child of the storm
??? this thorn has caught my sight without unveiling itself
Unconditional love seems to have guidelines
Landmines places on an already narrow trail
Driven by desire to be driven by the third nail
And somewhere on my walk I´m bound to pick myself up
But if you give me your hand I´ll be eternally grateful
Well as I human I have to trouble discerning what it distasteful
I´m playful when it comes to matters of live and death
First and last breath being taken and being left
With the ability to all truth into what I can accept
And I know lust better than I know respect
And I don’t cuss but that don’t make your mind darker than mine
I´ve seen the abyss and done things people would find
Strange to say the least
(deranged) feed the beast
I recently acquired a need to live in peace
As footprints in the sand speak with the weight of words
I live in the hourglass struggling to be heard
And I have covered quiet land in search of language
As I am ethic and ethic is anguish
Have you ever felt this way?
Or am I the only one?
Anguish has taken a place in my heart
And all I can do is run away
Isolated staring through an eyelid backdrop
I can´t stop considering where I´ll be in a few
Years, from today, with a new outlook on everything
That I one time maybe made a difference
As major turns into minor I get no resistance
I´m a terrible witness and need not fake being convinced
It´s gonna´ work out
Though I hold tight to the faith I have
Of always been one to take too much of a bad thing
I live in extremes and am not who I seem
A cry for help might not play out in traditional scenes
Hiding behind laughter, held up by ???
??? plasma
Watch as I shatter right here on this track
What I´m speaking today I wish I could take back
And act like there´s nothing compressing my brain
Pretend like I am happy and only ethic remains
The fact is right now there´s a lot to sort out
I´m swimming in doubt and surviving on hope
And I can live without an answer now if that what´s required
But I think this empire has been built on the guilt of it’s sire
Every construction is an order from the ground level
A requiem for order, pierce me like metal
Blades of a wakening beginning is banished
As ethic slowly separates from his anguish
Have you ever felt this way
Or am I the only one?
Anguish has taken a place in my heart
And all I can do is run away