No Daddy

Tick tock, her biological clock
Was like a time bomb for a diabolical plot
To get knocked up 'cause she ran out of logical options
When she failed to qualify for adoption
The cougar hunted for a suitable donor
And I was gullible enough to move over
She needed cash, she wanted a stroller
I felt bad but I told her, I told her
No, no, no da-da-daddy
No, no, I, I don’t wanna be a
No, no, no da-da-daddy
No, no, no
Well it turned out she once had a husband
Who wasn’t able to put buns in the oven
She didn’t love him and was strapped to the anchor
'Til he did lewd and lascivious acts on his neighbor
He went to prison but a few years later
Got paroled early 'cause of good behavior
Their correspondence was a pile of papers
That he wouldn’t sign 'cause divorce is for haters
No, no, no da-da-daddy
No, no, I, I don’t wanna be a
No, no, no da-da-daddy
No, no, no
She said her ex gets violent, I best get compliant
Or, my, oh my, she’ll open up her mouth and break the silence
And warn the shark I’m swimming off the island
So, he’ll devour me if I don’t quit the whining
She mimed a violin, screamed like a sergeant
To file in and I was like, «I beg your pardon?
I’m not your target,» and walked to the door
I swung my head around, dropped it down
And shook it back and forth
I don’t wanna be no baby’s daddy, no
I don’t wanna be no
I don’t wanna be no
I don’t wanna be no baby’s daddy
No da-da-daddy
Don’t wanna be no…
Hey, because if you add one kid
Then you’ll change all three of our lives
And I like mine how mine is
No, you don’t even know me
So you should take plenty of time
And choose it wisely
It’s also my kid
No da-da-daddy
Da-da-daddy
I, I don’t wanna be a
Da-da-daddy