Jesus Was an Atheist

Jesus was an atheist, he was a friend of mine
We hooked up in temple, back in Roman Palestine
We became friends, it was the best of both worlds
I was good at stealin' silver, he was good at pullin' girls
He said they’re going to kill me, when we go out smokin'
I thought he meant the cigarettes, but Jesus wasn’t jokin'
Mary was a pragmatist, and virgin rolled in one
One day she said to Joseph, «Joe, I think the time has come
Your boy needs to get a job, try the laundromat»
Joseph said, «He ain’t my boy, I think we settled that»
Mary said something about semantics with a smile
Joe said, «I'm going drinkin', I’ll be back in a little while»
I heard somebody say Jesus was a Capricorn
Jesus told me once, on the day he was born
A giant super nova exploded in the sky
He said he didn’t know, what it was supposed to signify
I lost touch with him, and he lost touch with me
The next thing I remember, he was big in Galilee
We were walkin' in the desert trading big hits from a bong
They said it was 40 days, it didn’t seem that long
I was trying to talk him out of such a pointless sacrifice
He said it was the only way to get to paradise
I said, «You might be high», he said I was mistaken
But watching him die was truly heartbreakin'
Jesus descended, I guess you’d call it that
I’m down here, baby, what the hell you lookin' at?
I sometimes wonder if we’d stay friends
How am I to change the way this party ends?
I know you all believe that Jesus was divine
Jesus was an atheist, he was a friend of mine