um...

Um…
Yeah
So, um, uh I was just wondering
You just gonna sit in your pit of bitterness for a little bit longer
Wallow in your own shit 'til it all goes more wrong?
Or, take a stand and be a man
Try to get stronger
Look in the mirror
Face the dark space
Get out the pot and stop calling the kettle black
You can’t retract past statements but
You can choose to change or you can choose to remain the same
You can hate me and rage until you’re red in the face
Curse my name, spit now on my future grave
Maintain a smear campaign, blame me for everything
Really, dig in
Don’t withhold
Go for broke
Get biblically bitter
The beginnings of desire
Locusts, earthquakes, floods, fires
Pin it all on me and I will be right here patiently deflecting your negativity
because all you really earn from me is my pity
And even when I can’t put a finger on what I’ve done wrong I find myself
constantly apologizing
And I don’t like it either
But I’m realizing that’s what I genuinely feel
Sorry
For you
Look at you, alone and bent over
Ancient text from a past I cannot answer to
Less oracle, more victim, but equally blind
Preaching self-fulfilling prophecies constantly and
Gosh it seems awfully cozy for you to always know the «I told you so»
is so close at hand
And then you have the nerve to say that vicious messes like this are why you
resist letting people in?
Well I respectfully disagree
Allow me to submit that when you begin to give into the chinks in your armor,
the light will shine through and only then will this miserable catch 22 end
for you and
I’ve preemptively absolved you for the sins you commit against my psyche and
self-worth because
I get it
How can you honor me, when you can’t honor you?
How could you do anything except play me like a fool?
You deceive me arbitrarily to avoid any actual intimacy because it’s so risky
and then disrespect me for not knowing the real you
Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do?
And, while we’re at it, you can add this to the list of predictions that your
supernatural mind envisions
Look at me, writing a poem about you
This is what you wished against and sub-sequentially twisted into existence
Why am I so relentless when even I resent this?
Because, the abandonment?
It just radiates from you like electricity
And my, pretty red distended heart refuses to let me be a repetition of your
history
It’s conviction superseding dignity
Real love is implicitly promised to withstand resistance, stubbornly
Like life
But after this, I’m walking away
Unexpectedly
Like fate