Poor Unfortunate Souls

I admit that, in the past, I’ve been a nasty
They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, «a witch»
But you’ll find that nowadays I’ve mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
True? Yes
And I fortunately know a little magic
It’s a talent that I always have possessed
And here lately, please don’t laugh
I use it on behalf of the miserable, lonely, and depressed
«Pathetic»
Poor unfortunate souls in pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
This one wants to get the girl
And do I help them? Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, «Spells, Ursula, please!»
And I help them!
Yes, I do
Now, it’s happened once or twice
Someone couldn’t pay the price
And I’m afraid I had to rake them 'cross the coals
Yes, I’ve had the odd complaint
But on the whole I’ve been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls
Now, here’s the deal: If you dare
There’s a potion I’ll prepare
Just consume and you’ll be human
Three whole days up above
By the end of day 3
Listen up this is key
Just convince Mr. Prince
And get a kiss of true love
If I do?
Lucky you
You stay human through and through
You can go, wed your beau
And be totally divine
And if not?
Then guess what, girl?
You’ll turn back into a Mer-Girl
Same as you once were, girl
But that tail will be mine!
Don’t be shy, dear
What will it be?
You want the guy, dear?
Leave it to me
But what about my father?
And my family?
Hmm…
Sorry, dear
There’s no way to spin it
Life’s full of tough choices, innit?
One last thing, silly me
Did I mention there’s a fee?
Nothing choice, just your voice
No more talking, singing, zip
Not a word?
Not a note
Not a whisper from your throat
But--
Show some spine, you’ll be fine
Honey, here’s a little tip:
You’ll have your looks!
Your pretty face!
And don’t underestimate the importance of body language, ha!
The men up there don’t like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it’s much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle babble for?
Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead, make your choice!
I’m a very busy woman
And I haven’t got all day
It won’t cost much
Just your voice!
You poor unfortunate soul
It’s sad, but true
If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet
You’ve got to pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll!
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I’ve got her, boys!
The boss is on a roll!
Those poor unfortunate souls
Beluga, sevruga
Come winds of the Caspian Sea
Larengix glaucitis
Et max laryngitis
La voce to me
Now… sing
Aa-aa-aah, a-aa-aah
Keep singing!
Aa-aa-aah, a-aa-aah