Green Star

Lowly imps of pity swarm like buzzards in the sun
to lull me to sleep in my crib
I dream of you and then I dream of something else,
I lust to be lustful once more.
Recounting failures I have failed once again,
the kismit I cannot ignore.
Inside of this crater I have combed for days
for any small sliver, moments looped, replayed
I wanted to save you,
I haven’t the strength to save us both
I long to be near you, your ship is now miles out from my coast
I still get your messages,
no flickers of light will bring you back, what was almost blinding
fades slowly to black.
Alone, confused with a body I abused, silence, silenced by a monster in my
place,
defeat, passenger seat, driver steals my voice and wears my face
I wanted to save you, I haven’t the strength to save us both,
I long to be near you, your ship is now miles out from my coast,
I still get your messages,
they’re useless but mean the world to me, recalling my mother,
smiling down at the proud little boy I used to be
This river runs higher,
to all I’ve ever desired,
I washed up on purpose,
drowning on the surface,
in envy of what he became, a dying green star