Talkin' Candy Bar Blues

spoken story with guitar accompaniment)
Bought a candy bar the other day,
only ate half, s’gonna throw the rest away
when I saw this kid playin' in the street,
I said «;Hey kid, you want somethin' to eat?»;
he said «;Whut?»;
I said «;Candy, son.»; He said «;HELP!»;
Then he started to run,
and I stood there,
watchin' him go,
half a bar of chocolate
runnin' down my fingers.
Well the kid comes back in a minute or two
but his mom’s with him and the neighbors too,
and they got the kid scared it’s plain to see,
they say «;Which one done it?»; he points at me.
He says «;Him»;. I say «;What do you mean?»;
He says «;YOU!»; then he starts to scream,
and I’m standin', everybody’s lookin',
everybody’s starin' -at me- … (nervous laugh)
«;Howdy doody… y'all waitin' for the bus?
Ah … a little late isn’t it … anybody got a watch? …
we could uh see how late it is …
I got a better idea, let’s find somebody with a watch
and stare at him!»;
Well some start pickin' up baseball bats
and the others are pullin' the pins from their hats —
«;I think this thing’s gone a little too far,
hell, I only offered him a CANDY BAR!»; I said «;WAIT!»;
I said «;What are you doin'?»;
They said «;PRE-VERT the kid’s life is ruined!»;
«;Oh…oh well then you better check what he’s chewin'
cause I got the feelin'
he’s in the middle of a bubble gum orgy!»;
Well they’re comin' at me and I’m backin' away
and then I hear this policeman say
«;Are you positive he’s the right man?»;
(I quick flicked the candy bar out of my hand).