Catman Finley

Well I stand here before you in the circus court
With a most sincere appeal for your kindness and support
The consciousness of peril ever playing on my mind
Hoping against hope you will be lenient and kind
My name is Catman Findlay and I have eleven toes
I like to wear, admittedly, some slightly silly clothes:
These baggy pants, this purple hair, this stupid waxy nose
The grinning crocodiles of my disintegrating shoes
Well I would be law-abiding but my enemies are mean
Growing ever bolder in their comedy routines
If I do whip my assistant until her buttocks bleed
It’s not because I want to, but they force me to compete
Well as you know the circuses have fallen on hard times
People want to stay at home and swipe their telephones
And there’s no-one coming out to see a girl on a trapeze
Swinging from the sky supported only by her knees
But if I should do a knife act, and it should go awry
And the knife should slip into a breast and if the girl should die
People laugh like drains, they think it’s all part of the act
And laughs are hard to get, my lords, and that’s a circus fact
And I would be law-abiding but the competition’s mean
You’ve got to put some wick-wack in your comedy routines
We’ve reached the point where circus acts are turning into crimes
But life is hard, your lordships, and we keep up with the times