What a Fool

«Do you feel something?
Something, tingling, in your stomach? No?»
«No, but I appreciate the prayer.»
And I meant that
I really did
It was a kind gesture
An expression of sympathy and I believe in God and all but
Did she really expect something to change right then?
Abra-Cadabra-Amen be healed on the spot
My God what is wrong with this girl?
What a fool
What a fool to think my pain would (snap) disappear
What a fool to think her prayers were any different
Than the dozens, hundreds, thousands of faithful saints who’ve
Laid hands on me and rebuked
This disease IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
What a fool
What a fool to pray with expectation
Like she actually thought God would hear, and respond
It’s these kind of Christians that make us all look crazy
You know, the ones with faith
Too much faith
The ones convinced that God grants supernatural power
The ones who look like fools for Christ and don’t mind what anyone thinks
The ones whose prayers go unanswered yet they keep praying
Keep hoping
Keep asking
«Do you feel?»
The ones who feel
The ones who know God with more than their mind
The ones who don’t waste time picking fights with atheists
But go to war on their knees
The ones who lean not on their own understanding
The ones who serves a God that doesn’t bow to human rational
But uses the fool to shame the wise
The weak to shame the strong
Those who are not to bring to nothing those who are
And how far I have come
After four years of theological training
Constant reading to appease my philosophical cravings
My thoughts about God are, intelligent
My belief is a kind unbelievers can respect
Not the ignorance of… simple… faith
Not the type to get you mocked
Persecuted
Crucified
My religion is safe
And I wonder, how I got so lost
And I wonder, who’s the fool after all
The one who prays, the one who waits
The one who dies believing God is on his way
Or the one who prays, never expecting him to come?