i promise it was nothing you did

I’m just sitting here looking at the time pass
Thought I heard the screams but it’s only silence
Tell me if you’re wanting me to leave
Tell me that you’re okay, so explain why you’re crying
Laying here alone, want you to hold me
I’ve changed a lot, I’m hiding out the old me
Jealousy is running through my veins
Tell me why I have this urge to scatter all my brains
I don’t wanna be just another boy on your list
So tell me if I should stay or if I should go
Cause time passes by and so do I
I just wanted to be special in your eyes
If I ever wanted anything
Just wanna be someone you care about
I’m tired of without a doubt
I fucked it up, I fell apart, it’s nothing new, I hope you know
That this was not me trying to impress you
I’ve had much better days, sometimes I try to just embrace
This loneliness that I insist is a fault of my own and I cannot resist
I wish you would see me and smile again
But it’s all my fault, I could never pretend
That things are the way that they were
I’m going home alone, and you say that it hurt
And I’m convinced that I’m just always just wasting time
Tryna get the thought of you right out my mind
I tell myself that I’ll be alright, I’ll be fine
I pop a couple pills and then I close my eyes
And I do not deserve this even though I’m worthless
I wanna tear my heart out, gotta find my purpose
I do not deserve this, don’t you see I’m hurting
I put you in a hearse, just wanna know you heard it