This Isn't Happening

and i have done this before
and i’ve seen, and i’ve seen
and i have been here before
and i’ve seen, and i’ve seen
this isn’t happening to me
i gave, i tried but i’m far to weak
the world in my mind is far to bleak
i would probably die if i was somebody else
if i swallowed my pride i would probably choke
mary is this what you want from me?
i fear denial will come and torture me
i’ve been erased and have no soul to sell
like a flame, like all the devils in hell
going backwards to be released
crumbling down into a wound that bleeds
destroying myself just to wake up
but i can’t wake up, i can’t wake up