The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit

After sundown, before sleeping, I am the worst of me. I am a mess of these
Old themes and the murmur of half-dreams whisper seductively and
Stage scenes.
It’s fear fiction, these visions, caught somewhere between delusion and
prophesy.
What I haven’t done, what I’ve wanted to, and what I fear you have
Becomes reality here.
Bright lights in the young night keep to the beat.
A classic party scene, crowded and interesting.
No love, no life, no history.
Just touch, just chemistry, just
A roaring undercurrent simple and sensory.
Young bodies, warm skin, perfect symmetry and
It’s a moment, harmless. It’s energy.
It’s like medicine,
It’s self-discovery.
See, all the secrets I keep, why are they secrets?
No pauses, not a second guess.
First a swaying then a stumble then a swagger.
They’re just movements towards feeling. It doesn’t matter
Neither hesitates to carry on a kind of energy,
Sweat and block out everything to
Find every aperture and compel the animal parts.
Fan flames, taste fruit, taste bitter fruit.
Just trying to learn how all the wires in the body work.
Just trying to feel it out, it’s like medicine.
Trap the healing in whatever bed they end up in.
And when the feeling hits.
And in that moment sparks and harps play out
A sweeping melody through fog and fantasy
And in that moment there’s an honesty instinctive and pure but
It departs like it came, rapid and bearing no more
Than fleeting ecstasy of natural harmony.
They fear the notes being played and try to sing along.
Don’t be ashamed, be free to the feeling.
Don’t be ashamed, keep feeling.
But find it: a body that makes sense.
I’ve felt it.