It Still Hurts

It still hurts
More than I’ll admit
And I still cry
Though I wanna quit
And it still burns
Remembering every lie
I still love you
Though I don’t know why
This is me
Standing open-hearted me
And this is me
Atrophied longingly
And I’ve been scratching and fighting
To find myself again
And I keep looking and missing
What it means to start again
The pain keeps pounding and breaking and knocking me down
Again, again, and again
I’ve been screaming in silence for you
Ever since
You’re still here
In pictures on the wall
I still wait but you never call
This is me
Smaller than I’ve ever felt
And this is me
Left with the hand that I’ve been dealt
And I’ve been scratching and fighting
To find myself again
And I keep looking and missing
What it means to start again
The pain keeps pounding and breaking and knocking me down
Again, again, and again
I’ve been screaming in silence for you
Ever since
But God it’s you holding me up when I fall down
And it’s you I can throw my arms around
And I keep waiting and praying to finally understand
That I was growing not knowing you carry me in your hands
The pain was pounding, and breaking, and knocking me down
Again, again, again
It still hurts
But I’m stronger in the end