In the Night

I tried to walk barefoot
On grass in the night
As often as I could
The sun was irritating
At night I thought about tattoos
The red and blue ink piercing my skin
And piercings
I thought about piercings
Through my tongue
I let the garden grow wild
And it filled itself with
Creeping, strangling vines
I run my tongue
Over the blisters on my lips
I dreamed that a helicopter crashed
Through my bedroom window
And I woke with my heart racing
Covered in sweat
I wrote a poem
With your lipstick in the mirror
And took a picture
Water tasted disgusting
So I drank black tea all day
I started doing pushups
As soon as I woke
I craved the swell and burn of my muscles
If I was out, I’d do pushups in a toilet
It brought me back into myself
The breathlessness
The pain
I took a train to Scotland
And camped on the shore of Loch Lomond
At dawn, I’d walk barefoot into the lake
The mud squelching between my toes
And I shouted your name
'Till the surface of the lake rippled
And I grew hoarse