If I Told You Who It Was

I wanted to see the brand old Loper show
So I held a cap and I headed down to Opryland
They said they sold their last ticket the day before
So I kinda just hung around the backstage door
And down the steps she came, man oh man
My favourite female country star
She waved her fans and headed for her car
Her tire, unlike her body, was very flat
She said, could you change my tire
I said your wish is my desire
As she raised the lid, I grabbed her bumper jack
She said I sure do appreciate you changing my tire
If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
You’d say I was making it up
You’ve seen her on the screen and in country magazines
You’d think I was making it up
She said it was our little secret and by golly
I’m gonna keep it
Anyway you wouldn’t believe it
If I told you who it was
She said you need a lift and I said well
You can drop me of at the York motel
So we headed down Briley parkway in the town
I told her I got all your records ma’am
She smiled and said well I be damned
She said, you’re kind of cute fella, wanna mess around
When we got to my room just the people lied
I said sure wish I could’ve heard you sing tonight
She smiled at me and said what do you wanna hear?
Well if I was one of them country music folks
I’ll tell you, she’d sure get my vote for the best performance of the year
If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
You’d say I was making it up
You’ve seen her on the screen and in country magazines
You’d think I was making it up
She said it was our little secret and by golly
I’m gonna keep it
Anyway you wouldn’t believe it
If I told you who it was
Well I tell you this much
When I put my arms around her and squeezed her real tight
She looked up at me with those big beautiful eyes
Took a deep breath and a sigh and said:
«Howdy I’m just so proud to be here!»
If I told you who it was, if I told you who it was
You’d say I was making it up
You’ve seen her on the screen and in country magazines
You’d think I was making it up
She said it was our little secret and by golly
I’m gonna keep it
Anyway you wouldn’t believe it
If I told you who it was