Middle Man

I was sitting in a diner
With a girl named flo
She wouldn’t say yes
But she couldn’t say no
She said «darling, can I get a middle man? «She was engaged to a fellow
On the lay a way plan
But she carried all her money
In a coffee can
She said «darling, can I get a middle man? «The cook looked over
With a short order face
Dropped a fork
And he saw flo’s legs
Straightened his apron
And burnt my eggs
I got competition
Everywhere I go
These days
She was leaning on the juke box
And was lookin' real good
Like natalie wood
On a pontiac hood
I said «darling, I think I need a little hand»
Ya see, I’ve seen my downs
I’ve seen my ups
I seen miniature dogs
In coffee cups
But «darling I ain’t never seen a middle man»
Flo talked slow
Like real wet paint
She said
«a middle man’s there
When the other ones ain’t
He’s got a left handed manner
That leans to the right
Sleeps all day
And keeps it up all night …»
… I got an aunt in ohio
And a boat that won’t row
Some veterans insurance
And nowhere to go
«darling, can I be your middle man? "
(spoken)
If I could get the money in that coffee can
I could open me up a lemonade stand
Send all the kids off to pakistan
Make flo happy
If I can
Jerry mahoney and johnny b. goode
Are gonna buy me a house in hollywood
«darling I think I got the perfect plan»
«we're gonna save half a dollars
And sell 'em to france
Buy us a record
And learn how to dance
And darling I’ll always be your middle
Darling go buy a griddle
Darling I wanna be your middle man