Once in the Morning

I was lyin' in state on my analyst’s couch
And I said, «Doc, I get the feeling
I’m becoming a grouch, you know
My arches are falling
And I’m developing a a slouch.»
He reached inside his hot pants
For his alligator pouch and he said
Once in the morning and once at night
I’m not sure that it will help you
But you’ll think it’s alright
Once in the afternoon and once at twilight
Once for the money and again 'round midnight
I was playing Las Vegas, I was feeling kinda flat
When Jan the Fan Dancer came by for a chat, you know
She loosened up her A-string and she reached inside her hat
And she said, «You play with this son and I’ll play with that.»
Once in the morning and once at night
I’m not sure that it will help you
But you’ll think it’s alright
Once in the afternoon and once at twilight
Once for the money and again 'bout midnight
I was hanging 'round London trying to pick up a new line
When a man I did not know he invited me to dine
He said, «We can make each other happy you know we’re both the same kind
And I like some of yours if you’d please take some of mine.»
Once in the morning and once at night
I’m not sure that it will help you
But you’ll think it’s alright
Once in the afternoon and once at twilight
Once for the money and again
Once for the money and again
Once for the money and again