This Hotel Room

This hotel room got a lot of stuff
A laundry bag and a shoe shine cloth
Thirty-two hangers and a touch-tone phone
Well, a light that comes on when I’m not home
I ain’t home, I ain’t home
You better leave a message 'cause I ain’t home
They got an air conditioner for when I’m hot
A radiator for when I’m not
Two big chairs sitting side by side
With a Holy Bible and a TV guide
TV guide, TV guide, great God o' mighty
It’s a TV guide
I got a second story view from curb to curb
I got a sign that reads 'Do not disturb'
A monogram towel and a bucket of ice
A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies
Mirror that lies, mirror that lies
That couldn’t be me in the gorilla disguise
They got a room service menu for food and drinks
A porcelain thrown and an aluminum sink
Two big pillows to rest my head
A magic fingers and a king size bed
Put in a quarter, turn out the light
Magic fingers makes you feel alright
Feel alright, feel alright
Magic fingers makes you feel alright
Oh this ol' hotel’s alright with me
They pay the postage if you lose the key
This hotel has got a lot of stuff
But I do believe I have had enough
Call my baby, said, ‽Don't you pout
I’m packing my bags and I’m checking out
Just as soon as you hang up the telephone
Stick a candle in the window I’m coming home
Coming home, coming home
Stick a candle in the window, I’m coming homeâ€