Language Or the Kiss

I don’t know if it was real or in a dream
Lately waking up I’m not sure where I’ve been
There was a table set for six and five were there
I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair
And there was steam on the windows from the kitchen
Laughter like a language I once spoke with ease
But I’m made mute by the virtue of decision
I choose most of your life goes on without me
Oh the fear I’ve known
That I might reap the praise of strangers and end up on my own
All I’ve sown was a song
But maybe I was wrong
I said to you the one gift which I’d adore
Unwrap a package of the next 10 years unfolding
But you told me if I had my way I’d be bored
Right then I knew I loved you best born of your scolding
When we last talked we were lying on our backs
Looking up at the sky through the ceiling
I used to lie like that alone out on the driveway
Trying to read the greek upon the stars the alphabet of healing
Oh I knew back then
It was a calling that said if joy then pain
The sound of the voice these years later is still the same
I am alone in a hotel room tonight
I squeeze the sky out but there’s not a star appears
Begin my studies with this paper and this pencil
And I’m working through the grammar of my fears
Mercy what I won’t give
To have the things which mean the most not to mean the things I miss
Unforgiving the choice still is
The language or the kiss