The Lobster Song

I went to see a fisherman
I went to see
have you got a lobster
you can sell to me?
Singing role tiddly ole,
Shit or bust,
Never let your bollocks dangle in the dust
Oh yes I have a lobster
I have two
and the biggest of the bastards
I shall sell to you
So I took the lobster home
and I couldn’t find a dish
so I put it in the place
where the missus has a piss
In the middle of the night
it was just like this
the missus got up
to go and take a piss
Well the missus gave a groan
and the missus gave a grunt
she’s running round the room
with a lobster on her her cunt
We hit it with a squeegee
we hit it with a broom
we hit the fucking lobster
round and round the room
We hit it on the head
we hit it on the side
we hit the fucking lobster
until the bastard died
The moral to this story
the moral is this,
Always have a shufty
before you have a piss
Is this the end?
Is it fuck
there’s an orange up me arse
and you can have a suck
Well this is the end
There ain’t no more
There’s an apple up me arse
and you can have the core.