If And When I Die

No one is invincible, no one is immortal, these are the rules.
Fireworks have scared me shitless for three years now
Easier to blame it on neuroses than admit that everything loud and sudden
scares me
But I found out that I still love the sight of them
When the light of the setting September sun came through the leaves
In scattered shards I was driving down the highway with my secrets
No one is invincible, no one is immortal
This time of year reminds me of mitch
At noon in the shade there’s still dew on the grass
The leaves are trying on the coats they’ll wear to their funerals
And without knowing it, as if it is coded into me
I start to listen to 'people without end'
The ways in which one leaves a place
And the way a ghost becomes a part of you
And some days this reminds me more of Kyle than anything else
And the times we spent wishing for the past
I think I’m through with that now
I’ve got holes in me big enough
That sometimes I can barely stay afloat
But I’m starting to find that nothingness
Has the potential to be filled with anything that our minds can imagine.
Everyone here’s story has been everyone here’s story since the big bang
And no I’m not talking about your parents fucking,
Or even their parents' parents' parents' fucking
I’m talking about that fact that the things inside of you,
The ones that matter, cannot be created or destroyed anymore
Not since this universe started and not until it fuckin ends.
That’s how long we’re going to live.
So when my body chooses to become something more
Burn it, let the liquid in me dry up
Let it crack like the leaves coating the driveway of the house I grew up in
Divide me among the people I’ve love and ask them this:
On the day they find a place where stars are safe from everything but the
brightness of the moon
Scatter my ashes there so that from which I came can witness that which I’ve
become.
No one is invincible, everyone is immortal.
No one is invincible, everyone is immortal.
If false and naive ideals will keep us working,
Sustained by people like you, like a televised old story,
Maybe that is what one is meant to have,
Sucking from the maimed and the crazed.