An Original Musical

Well, mother fucker
Why don’t I give you a crash course on how to go from a piece of blank paper to
a full-tilt
Boogie, original musical
Huh' Wow! An original musical!
That’s right cracker
Now there aren’t many of us around and it’s a long journey, so let’s get started
Did you just call me a cracker, are you being black?
Mother Fucker, I can be anything you want me to be, that’s the point
Oh, so you’re saying that I want you to be black?
Shut your face
(sung)
I’m an original musical
Original musical
Those other shows can step to the rear
If you lend me your ear
I’m gonna ease all your fear
And tell you all you need is what’s right up here
I can’t decide if you’re trying to be Ben Vereen or/ Shh-conk, shh-conk,
shh-conk
Randy Newman/ Pah, Pah, Pa
Shut up. You see, a lot of times musicals are based on books like the Scarlet
Pimpernel or Lestat
And other times they’re based on plays like Picnic, which became Hot September
But, more recently, musicals have been based on movies like My Favorite Year
Footloose, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Big, Saturday Night Fever, the Wedding
Singer
The Full Monty, the Producers' (inhales) Thoroughly Modern Millie
Hairspray, Beauty and the Beast, Billy Elliot, Spamalot'
Wow! So movies make good musicals
Well they make musicals
Huh
Well, I’m trying to write a musical about two guys writing a musical
About two guys writing a musical
Ooo' that sounds like some crazy shit, bitch
But it’s original and I like that. Sing with me!
Okay!
I’m an original musical
Original musical
Like Kwamina
And Starlight Express
My show could be a success
And not a big mess
Like Chess
And I’ll make Broadway my eternal address
Oh! Easy, Mother Fucker. Broadway!
Let’s start with off or off-off and then you can think about the Great White Way
But, why can’t I dream big?
Well, if it was a jukebox musical, a revival, or a recognizable commodity
I’d say dream away, beeoch. But, original
On Broadway, Baby, that is risky! Unless you got some stars in mind
Well, we’d love to have Alice Ripley, she’s fierce. Hey!
That’s the first time I’ve ever said the word fierce. That’s the second!
Player, I mean TV stars, pop stars, movie stars like Tony Braxton and Jenna
Elfman
But, I want our show to be good!
You want your ass to make some money!
But, I believe that a good product with talented people is the way to go!
Hiring some talent-free celebrity just lowers the
Bar and I think audiences deserve better!
Wee-waw, wee-waw, waw, waaaww' shit
Audiences want to see Paris Hilton in the Apple Tree
Who wants to see Paris Hilton in the Apple Tree?
I don’t know, a lot of people. Fuck, your ass is crazy Mother Fucker
But, I fucking like you and you may just be fucking
Crazy enough to fucking, fuckity, fuck, fuck succeed, fucking, fucking,
Mother Fucker
Ow-o-ow! What’s with all the foul language?
Is that appropriate or even necessary?
I’m blank paper, your blank paper, make me say something else
I’ll say whatever you want me to, just put your pen to the
Paper and write
Okay! I will! I will! I’ll write!
Now we’re talking!
Write that original musical
Original musical
Original in every way
Ooo!
It won’t be based on a play
Or a movie'
I pray
That Jesus Christ will help you get to Broadway
And you can thank him in you bio someday
Wow. People thank Jesus in their bio'
People thank their agents, their casts, and Jesus Christ
(sung)
Even though they might be Mormon and gay
So, some Mormons are gay?
Sure! Didn’t you ever see the national tour of 1776?
(sung)
Oh, yeah!
Aha-ha!