X Telling Me About the Loss of Something Dear, at Age 16

I looked up at the ceiling the entire time. Well it
Didn’t last for long. Like 15 minutes or so. They
Had said it would hurt, but it didn’t.
His face all grumped up, veins were showing on
His forehead. Closed my eyes and thought of
Dancers, closed my eyes and thought of dancers.
I thought of what my friends would say. I
Thought of how my life would change. I just laid
Real still there on the bed.
Afterwards I said, like I hear you’re supposed to:
«Was it good for you as well» He was proud, said:
«OK we can do it again and maybe this time, you
Can do it better than this I know you can do it
Better than this.»
I faked to come, because I hear you’re supposed
To. There was obviously something wrong with
Me and I didn’t want him to know.
I was scared he’d have a heart attack and die. I
Went to work at the shoe store and waved him
Goodbye. I felt sad, but I didn’t know why.
Do you want those in red, I said. 250 with laces, I
Said. Years later, I can still vision that forehead.