Broken Dream

It’s February 2016
I’m bout to open for Lady Leshurr at Gramercy Theater
Was booked by Christian and he picked me
And if you asked me then I never guessed he would diss me
Before we talk about the show I should tell you how I know Christian
I met him briefly through Matty
Know Matty through Matthew Henderson
Me and Hendoe go back because he used to send me linen
Grew closer more than the business but hold up let me begin this shit
I’m bout to hit the stage and I got Nick for my dj
But really he don’t dj he just play stop replay
But fuck it that’s my brother
Held it down like no one other
Gave em word to do his verse when he emerged the song cut
Fuck
Still rocked the whole crowd we tour down the stage
Hopped off the tenth cloud and back on the chase
Now months later me and Christian getting shaky
He telling me to stall but I’m tryna drop Macy’s
He said that it could go if I just change a couple things
But in spite of the game
I dropped it anyway
Check my phone got mail today
Brad and Josh from APA a booking agency
They noticed me and wanna conversate
So I took the call loved it all brought it back to Christian
He said that they won’t get me so I might as well forget them
And Matty told me do it but he still in tune with Christian
And Hendoe said he with it only do it if you feel it
Now they constantly hitting me about the moves that I should make
All the while I’m losing focus ‘cause I’m working on the tape
So I shut it all down I won’t take a call now
Once I’m done with all these songs I guess we’ll see who’s still round
I dropped the tape and two days later I got word from Brad
He said he loved it we should link to me that doesn’t sound bad
4:30 at Ruth’s Chris we ordered barbeque shrimp
Sharing through conversations bout our problem as kids
And even Christian came up and maybe this was made up
But I was told that Christian said he’ll make me do what he wants
From that moment he was a dub
I got no time if you ain’t acting right
Shook with Brad and Josh and now I’m rolling with the Acolytes
A month prior got a DM on the gram
He said his name is Scott he tours with Portugal. The Man
Also managed the stage when I opened for Lady Leshurr
I did that show through the motion and turned him to a believer
Crazy
He said they’re playing the Bowery next month
And you do what you want but I think you should open up
And I didn’t know who they were
Like I never heard a song but I thought bout potential fans
So of course I’m down to perform
A week before the tape damn this works out great
No word from Nick but I got X to do the play stop play
I’m asking Scott at soundcheck how many songs do we got
He told me you just do your thing know you gon fuck up the spot
And yeah we did it
Back on the tenth cloud where I’m living
Getting praise from the band this was never part of my vision
I say thank you to Scott
They killed the set that I watched
Then me and X hop on the 4 we heading back to the block
Bout a week after the tape dropped on call with Brad and Josh
Conversing on where we take this and problems that we could dodge
And I briefly mentioned opening for Portugal. The Man
Got a double take from Josh
Wait Portugal. The Man?
I fucking love those guys and you ain’t tell us homie why
I know their booking agent
We could help you build upon the vibe
But I shrugged it off
‘Cause it was nothing lost
But I guess none of this happens if they ain’t get involved
I thank ‘em for it
Email from Brad and Josh they asking about my availablity
Ain’t expect a tour this is nothing more than some serendipitee
But I’m still moving cautious
We ain’t exempt from losses
Email from Brad and Josh congrats dog we got an offer
Oh shit it’s really happening
I hit up Hendoe this the shit we was really imagining
Let him plan the whole trip ‘cause he really was passionate
Plus my dollars ain’t shit so he really was backing it
Since the quote was looking nice we decided to buy some lights
Tryna give the folks a show not just babbling on the mic
And it is a rock show let’s bring Derek up on the road
He’s a drummer from Matt’s city he’s with it that’s a go
I hit my man J hart see if he down to turn tables
He said he’s with it long as I don’t have to play stop play you
Next I hit X to get behind the lens was his major this is major
So of course he said yes
Now the lights become a plight if we don’t got someone to work it
Matt told me Evan’s with it Hendoe told me that he’s worth it
Last my dog Kaveh that’s the BeenDope merchant
At the show you gotta see him for a BeenDope purchase
Yeah
We got the team together everything seems together
We worked the budget out so everybody eats together
Not to mention all the merch projections twenty nine cities
30k is what we expected
Started tour life wonder what is tour like
If your crew does not become your fam then you ain’t tour right
Six up in the telly those were sleeping on the floor night
Can’t afford the telly those sleeping in the Ford nights
So worth it
And since we opened didn’t always draw a crowd
Stateline was 20 people other nights was two thou
No matter the situation gave it everything I got
‘Member my mic cut at the Bahia I yelled up in the spot
Wild times that was the night that Derek almost died
Sick as shit he hit the stage and somehow came alive
Never told him but I admire him for it
Most would abort with all of the tribulations and the trials of us touring
Locked the keys in the van
No AC in the van
And it died overnight we need a leap for the van
All of this for thirty mins and v with the band
Killed the set at every show and now they tweet in demand
Now we driving back from Texas San Antonio the last show
Two days in the ford so I’m sore but I’m backing home
And if you asking if I’d do it again
The answer’s yes but I just hate how it ends
Back to basics
Back in stations
They don’t know I’m back from greatness
Will I make it headline stages
Maybe I’m just backup blazing
Back to hoping
Back and broken
Back and got no racks to show em
Back I hate it
Back I’m chasing
Back and I can’t black I aided
Uh
I think I fucked up
How I end up broke I was just twenty thousand bucks up
How I stay afloat if I say no to work and won’t budge
How I tell my bros that all them dollars promised won’t come
Can’t be this stupid
Candidly foolish
Hope we still good but know relationships can be in ruins
If I was X I’d probably hate me
Them dollars sounded like safety
Gone a month and got nothing
Ay what I’m s’pose to tell this lady bro
Really
And I sit here feeling guilty
Conversations with my mirror said he know one day he’ll kill me
But I’m running and I’m back on edge
Fuck your feelings words from Oliver
We back on bread
Now I got dollars they walk for me
I got dollars they talk for me
I got dollars they calling me
I got dollars they offing me
Oftenly offer me off the leash to alter to it all for me
I get benji but they bend me
Never thought what it’s costing me
Losing peace of mind and lately since I got it give a piece of mine
If roles were switched I would get nothing but a peace I’m fine
I’m still afloat but I got fire all around me
Where the fuck I’m s’pose to go when all this fire tryna drown me
Got a new email Brad just told me that he’s leaving
Josh just hit me said he got me
Why the fuck did I believe him
Did that show in Albuquerque got some bread for APA
I hit Josh about the payment he suddenly MIA
Matt just told me that he leaving
How the fuck my brother gone
I don’t really know the reason I just know them niggas wrong
Money come and go I’m broke again
Back to losing hope again
Death been tryna save me so I’m reaching for the rope again
I can’t reach