Quarantine

I open my eyes, so frustrated
Trapped in my house, really agitated
Voices in my head getting complicated
So loud in the silence I can barely take it
Never stepping out how can anyone hate it?
Spending time with yourself dying to take it
People outdoors? I don’t have to face them
The only problem is I gotta face myself
I look in the mirror my face seems so normal but soul living inside is wounded
by past
Bleeding the secrets it’s starting to show it ain’t healing that quick gotta
live with all that
Talking to myself in languages that never make sense, they do to me,
please just be quiet
When everything out there is finally peaceful then why is my mind in a state of
a riot
It’s funny how the space I used to love staying in now tortures me,
feels like I’m tied in a straight jacket
Look for my mask, damn it’s broken too, just like me
I need a new one, I’ll put that in my casket
So much self hatred, it sickens me, feels like a knife to my chest,
I can’t take it out either
I stayed out to distract myself from myself, my survival, that’s just me,
ain’t that good a fighter
Sitting back down I count all of my scars
Screaming out loud I wanna get out of these bars
Can’t control my rage, I just quit that self harm
Coming out my demons, I’m damn scared I can’t fall
Took me too long to get back on my feet
Starting to have demons floating in my bloodstream
Can’t ignore them, I see them in my sleep
Barely able to control it I’m losing
Smashing down all of my mirrors, I cannot keep looking at myself it hurts pain
is on my lips
Putting my headphones on, on the highest volume, it does help bring some
quietness in my head
This music is keeping me from losing myself I hope I don’t run out of my lyrics
Feeling like an outcast in my own house the walls are pushing in,
I’m suffocating counting everyday until I’m dead
Drop
Just got off my bed
Another day being in this prison still breathing is this real or am I dreaming
again?
Stuck in my room it’s just me with the worst thoughts I can get they won’at
leave they’re stuck in my head
So I sit down and I think about days when I used to rap on any stage I would get
Was still lost in myself around people, couldn’t love it, couldn’t ruin it,
thinking
Am I good enough for it?
Do they tell me that I’m good at it 'cuz they love what I do or is it just for
the sake of it?
I need that honesty, just please don’t lie to me, been lying to myself I’m
tired of fakes
Too old to dream fairy tales too young to drop the game, stuck in grey margin,
confusion chews down my brain…
Confusion chews down my brain…
Man I’m sick of all this I’ve been hesitating
Upside down’s how my life is turning
Had a breakdown but I’ve still been working
But I don’t know how long I can keep this running
So I rap back all of the feelings I’ve been feeling
Hoping one day I can get rid of inner screamings
It ain’t easy like this to deal with things I have been dealing with
So I called my therapist she told me to hang in there
But I’m counting my days
Will I even make it to the end will I see freedom again?
Locked inside with a paper and a pen
Writing my own weakness right inside my den
Scribblings on the pages
Scribblings in my head
Got too many faces
I ain’t being myself
Control my outrages
Questioning myself
Hiding this for ages
Don’t we all pretend?
I’m scared of myself I can’t really help it
So hopeless I can’t even hold on to something
Not really religious but I do believe in God
So I go pray maybe they’ve got something
I pull out the curtains and look out the window
And think about days I thought crowd wasn’t my peace
I used to wish being locked in my room, staying indoors
Now look at me I ain’t the one with the keys