Broken

Switched schools in the middle of middle school
A few chicks digging him, shit got me feeling cool
More like a light breeze and out of all the chicks that like me
At 13 chose one to be wifey
Let’s call her Lisa, Lisa’s features excite
Inspired me to poetry on the phone chatting nightly
Young me couldn’t see it but Lisa was so neglected
Fell in love when she realized that I could be her protection
So alone, scars from a broken home
Will have you seeking validation in any place that you roam
Just be here all I ask is you be here
It’s you and me against the world girl just to be clear
Just a couple of teen rebels
Somehow we loved deep though we ain’t seen levels
You can tell when you see us that connection was apparent
Living reckless type of shit that could make you a teen parent
Her mama never liked me probably thought I was a heathen
Dealing with PTSD of a black man leaving
And there’s no way you can correct it
You just gotta proceed understanding it’s expected
How could you love someone and leave and still be able to breathe
Without spending a responsible amount of time to grieve
I guess life had something up it’s sleeve
Something it still wanted me to see
If you’re feeling broken
It’s just for the moment
Don’t spend your life in pieces on the ground
Cause your turn will come back around
You don’t have to feel like you’re ever broken
Lisa was happy but Lisa was insecure
Too young to understand being grateful for what’s yours
So any playful convo from Tesha, Tosha or Mindy
Would have her on the edge throwing Lisa into a frenzy
I gotta play it cool make sure that she feels needed
Because neglect pushed her into my arms and I can’t repeat it
And that first love will hurt you like the worst love
And reality checks is something I get a burst of
So I was O.T. and the ex slid back in
Marvin’s Room status trying to slide up on some back end
Not sure if it all really went down for certain
Just the idea of the shit just had me hurting
But from what she was explaining, processing from any layman
The context clues would tell you she’s entertaining
Cut the convo short figuring saving face would be better
Walked off the porch and we were done forever
Mostly shy probably the reason why
It took me so long to find another girl to try
And being around the homies and the attitude being
Fuck all that talking and just show me and me being lonely
There was Tiff I’m admiring in a trance
My homie like stop bullshittin go get her math
On the inside I’m tripping cause she' was being receptive
But playa, playa standing there cool, calm and collected
Exchanged numbers stressing over when to call her
Eager and reluctant said fuck it call her tomorrow
Talking daily for weeks, chemistry was great
When my homies asked about her said (smacks lips) dog, she straight
I was perppin I was thinking she’s perfect
And this getting to know each other thing on the phone is working
Until one day it wasn’t and that was my biggest fear
I was calling the home phone and no answer was weird
Playing it cool but really know that I’m frontin
Back in school unfocused like I must’ve done something
It was haunting but the feeling wouldn’t last
Cause later on in the day the school announced that she passed
I know that we all leave but feelings can’t get retrieved
And I‘ll probably never learn how to grieve
But I’m sure that life will have something up it’s sleeve
When I let go and learn how to breathe