Lost Fathers

Lost Fathers, I’ll say a prayer for you, our Father
Please bring us back to the kids that we had lost sight of
No excuse how we failed them for generations letting the streets co-author they
life stories when life faltered
My father raised me though my siblings hate me for it
They fathers didn’t visit much and I don’t know the story
I seen how women could hold back a child, kill his soul
Make a father run away, tell a child he don’t want…
To be involved when really its unresolved love
That lingers on and never been addressed to move on
A major lesson is can you learn to live with regrets
The price you pay when you skate like board P M S
(m)y (s)oul, not the minstrel show they pay us for to blow it on some Robin’s
jeans dressing up depression
Been there before homies told me rolling cigarillos
With something heavy when all you tryna heal is the soul
A lost father just a broken soul
Who couldn’t gain control of what life gave him forgive him Lord
Though we know not what we do you said you’ll love us for it, even though we
forgiven we can’t ignore it, lost fathers…
Say a prayer for the fathers, our fathers Amen
Forgive them cause they don’t know what they do
It’s alright it’s alright it’s ok… show em the light
Say a prayer for the fathers, our fathers Amen
Forgive them cause they don’t know what they do
It’s alright it’s alright it’s ok… show em the light
I struggle with identity unbeknown me spiritually
I’m seeking to be whole, part of me undiscovered see
I don’t know where I come from, don’t know what I’m made of, technically I’m
numbed out
Reason why it’s hard to love myself fully platonic above the Illz,
buried inside reels repeated clips of me still fronting
Looking for love no matter how it come to see the sun shining on me halo above
to be the most righteous
Validations is poison to be among the likes
Gotta change yourself to fit in you ain’t living Midas
Living king living legendary Leonidas
Reach for words to cover up what I don’t like about this
This pain that sits so humbly inside, demons in disguise masked up,
posing with expensive clothes and see it in my eyes yo I’m so bothered
This the product of a man who doesn’t know his father, lost fathers…
Say a prayer for the fathers, our fathers Amen
Forgive them cause they don’t know what they do
It’s alright it’s alright it’s ok… show em the light
Say a prayer for the fathers, our fathers Amen
Forgive them cause they don’t know what they do
It’s alright it’s alright it’s ok… show em the light
I’m tired of us always having to prove our love to our sons
One of the biggest compliments I get a lot of the times
Is how great of a father I am
They see pictures on the internet
And people compliment you a lot because they see photos
And honestly, sometimes, I wanna tell people
«Don't tell me I’m a good father when you don’t know anything about me»
Fun-loving daddy and son pictures on the Facebook page do not equate to
instilling values into your child’s development
And the fact that I’m black should be irrelevant when it comes to my ability to
raise my son
My skin tone should not make me any better or worse when it comes to the
paternal instinct but
Because fathers like me are apparently extinct I get extra praise
And for what?
For doing what I’m supposed to do?
From strangers?
Strangers who don’t know when my son was born I only got him from twelve-noon
on Saturdays to five p.m. on Sundays, when to the court to get more time,
came back with twelve-noon on Saturdays to five p.m. on Sundays,
plus child support fought for a year, had him for a year and a half if not
more, had him fifty percent of the time if not more, only to lose him when he
started school to summertime and rotate in the holidays
So when you see me in the streets with my little one and wanna say
«It's so good seeing a father doing his job spending that quality time» don’t
because I am being robbed
Robbed with the greatest gift
Forced to live through pictures on an iPhone to recognize the touch of my lips
more than they do my fingertips
And the smell of his lotion every day I rub into my skin so when I smell myself,
I think of him
Forced to live through memories that occur within a span of one week
Through occasional on a webcam chat with a child too young to speak back so
when he reaches to you through that camera, all you can say is «son,
I miss you too»
Or learn watching your son learn how to ride a bike via Skype in the hands of
another man and even though he is a good man and you are glad he’s around,
that man is not you
And not letting his mother know that all this is getting to you so you get up
to grab some tissue because at all times that distance of 3117.4 miles can feel
more like 3 million
Try dropping your son off at the airport with three teeth in his mouth go 4
weeks and come back with 5 and see if you don’t beat yourself up for not being
around during that time so
Don’t tell me I’m a good father when you don’t know anything about me
Try to convince the court that knows nothing about you that you are simply
worthy of time
See thousands of people inspired by your story but still feel that you are
getting nowhere
Have people motivated by the pain that sits right here every day inside of your
chest and that same pain be the reflection of the amount of love that you
possess, I want you to imagine your newborn baby sleep
You’re watching him
Trying to get the sleep patterns down pack praying to get you get it right
because you have 1 night not to go 6 days until you get him back, imagine
Being able to fly through this world, doing what you love to do but because of
a court order your son before the age of 1 has to fly twice a month,
and maybe by the age of 2, he’ll have more frequent flyer miles than you
Try never spending a day in your life locked up in prison and still watch your
child grow up primarily through photos
Learn about his milestones via text message or Facebook and see if you don’t
feel numb so how can I smile when people tell me I’m such a good father when I
feel like I’m not being given enough time to actually be one
Raise your son without feeling like you actually raised him
And I know everything in this world doesn’t always go the way we plan and I can
accept that all that’s fine
I just don’t understand how a man can be forced to pay half of daycare,
half of medical expenses, food, clothes, water but the same man that laid down
to create that child is not automatically given half of the time,
something about that situation is not right and when I’m done with this poem,
I mean this, I don’t care if any of you clap, I just want my praise, my kudos,
my air, my earth, my water, my moon, my sun, my baby, my motivation, my son
I just want my chance
I just want my son Justice Prentice Powell
I want my baby, back